However, as Web Mistress of http://www.allparody.com, I’m always prepared to have company come into my “home. Here I can easily hide all the dirty socks under the bed but the only thing you’ll see is is my best foot forward. When you present a website for your readers, you are inviting them to observe your house to take part in your metaphorical meal. To keep company in your house, you'd better make sure that the coffees hot and the service is fast and good.

Julia Child did not become a successful chef without using her tools of the trade to provide a visual, culinary masterpiece. Brando wouldn’t have been able to scream at Stella without his script, staging, lighting and the direction! Bill Gates wouldn’t have been able to build Microsoft without being a programming geek!

But where do YOU, as the novice, find the tools of the trade? And are they expensive? The beauty and wonder of the web is ANYONE has access to FREE you need to put together a truly terrific website.

You’ve registered with the top search engines, such as yahoo.com, excite.com, google.com. Your site is advertised in newsletters, bulletin boards, guestbooks, link exchanges, top site lists and more. Customers hit a key word and find themselves at your site.

Now the question is, are they STAYING, or does your site become a 5 second pit stop in the Internet raceway?

Terrific graphics are wonderful, but guess what? They are passé on the net if they are slow loading! Did you know that Yahoo.com’s splash page loads in under 6 seconds, even on a 14.4 modem?? There’s a reason they are so successful!

Let’s say you are the owner of JimBob’s Fishing Hole, selling quality lures and hooks. A fisherman will wait patiently for hours for a catch. On the net, the same fisherman will wait an average of 8-12 seconds if the site doesn’t load quickly enough. The average Joe doesn’t want to wait three minutes to see the jpeg of that 22" bass you caught on Lake Kokomo! This potential “fish” is going get away unless you masterfully bait the hook.

Gif crunching is the answer!(www.gifcruncher.com) A gif image has a series of overlaying colors built into it, far deeper than the average human eye can see. What a gif cruncher does is minimize the unnecessary colors making your picture load faster. There is a sacrifice of some quality in most cases, but isn't it better to sacrifice a little than to whine about the one that "got away"?

In real estate, the key to success is the three L’s: Location, location, location! That same formula applies to your website. Do you want your readers to find their information quickly, or to roam around endlessly like the S.S.Minnow on a three-hour tour? Organization and clear, concise links to your information is the key to success. Your reader should always have an idea of what they are getting into. Avoid at all costs undefined links, such as “click here for a surprise”! If I wanted a surprise, I’d go buy a box of Cracker Jacks.

Bigger IS better! Make your font size BIG enough for people to read. I’d like to still think I’m twenty-four, but in reality I’m forty something. Although still sexy, my eyes just aren't what they used to be! If you make me squint and feel old, I’ll go away. While incredibly small fonts can seem stylish and room saving, they tend to annoy readers. Pick a safe font as well, like arial or courier. Sure, your snazzy, unique EuroTrash#45 is a beautiful flowing font. But what good is it if only 10% of your readers actually see it, while the other 90% see a generically ugly default font?

In summary, quick loading, ease in navigation and viewing, organized links and of course, excellent content will get the readers who do happen to hit your page to stay there, and bookmark the page and return. Return visitors will make your site a success. Once you develop an audience that comes back for more, you have the makings of hit Broadway show.

About the Author:
Angela Barbeisch, editor of allparody.com. Visit her at http://www.allparody.com.

web tip