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Off line advertising is a great way to get an extra traffic boost, but it can
be very expensive if you haven't done it before....
There is a 'fixed', published rate for advertising in newspapers and magazines.
This is called the "rate-card" price. The 'rate-card' is a newspapers
or magazines published "priced list" of space in the publication concerned.
Does the "rate-card" price reflect the average price you could expect
to pay in the publication concerned? NO! It represents the absolute highest,
top dollar rate you could ever be insane enough to contemplate paying!! The
"rate card" price for say, Daily Mirror would be the £5000 price.
The"rate card is a kind of wish list from the newspapers. This is the price
they would like to get for all of their adverts.
This is what they consider the space to be "really" worth. In practice,
they hardly EVER get "rate card" for an advert, and most of the time
they get half of one-third of rate card prices.
However, if you are naive little bunny, and you telephone any national newspaper
classified department and say to them; "Hey, look, I'm a rank amateur in
this business, I was wondering if you could see your way clear to telling me
how much my half-page advert would cost to insert in your excellent publication."
They will reply......
"Why certainly sir, our rate card for that advert is....let me see now....ah
yes, £5000."
And you hop away thinking:- "Cripes! That's a bit steep. But if the competition
is paying that rate , then they must be really pulling in the orders".
So you stump up your five grand, and send your advert into the paper. The conversation
on the classified desk goes something like this:-
Sue: "Here , John, you'll never guess what! You know that ACME publishing
company I quoted five grand last week?"
John: "Yeah?"
Sue: "They've only gone and sent me a cheque and their
advert!"
John: "What!!! You're pulling my plonker!"
Sue: (Laughing). No. Straight up. Look, here's the cheque."
John: "Bank it, quick!"
Etc., Etc.
You sit back and wait expectantly. The advert appears. The phones start ringing,
the first day's post arrives. The results look unpromising, but you reassure
yourself that people need a bit of time to respond, and the post is a bit slow
etc. Next day you get about one third of the post you expected. You put this
down to a hold-up at the sorting office. Next day you get about one tenth of
the post you expected. and the following day you get about three letters! You
start to become alarmed. Ten days later, you know you've blown about three grand.
You hastily examine your advert. What's wrong with it? You look at the competition.
Hmm, they're offering a thirty day money-back guarantee and you're only offering
fourteen. Damn! That must be it.
You call Sue (now your friend) on the classified desk. You tell her your tale
of woe. She's biting her wrist to stop laughing long enough to talk to you.
The conversation might go like this:-
You: "Sue, I had a terrible response to that advert."
Sue: (Sympathetic) "Oh no! Give it a bit more time. Sometimes the first
advert never does well because you're a new company. People need to see the
advert a few more times before they're confident enough to buy from you."
You: "You reckon?"
Sue: (Hardly able to control her mirth). "No doubt about it, Also, you
went in on a Tuesday, didn't you?"
You: "Yes...."
Sue: "I think you ought to try a Friday. It's closer to the weekend, and
people are more relaxed."
You: (Growing donkey ears). "Do you really think so...?"
Sue: "Definitely. As it happens, we have some space in this Fridays issue.
It's a really great position. We normally charge more for a Friday, but since
you lost money last time, we'll let you have it for £4700."
So you book the space, and increase your money-back guarantee (or whatever).
You've guessed the rest. Friday comes and goes and the response is about the
same as your last advert. You kiss another three grand bye-byes. But before
this, down at the classified department:-
Sue: "Here's a riddle for you, John. What company starts with "A"
and has just sent me a cheque for £4700?"
John: "You're putting me on!!"
Sue: (Waiving cheque) "Tum tee tum tum!"
John: "You jammy sod!"
Etc. Etc.
Now why would a nice girl like Sue take such enormous pleasure in stitching
you up? Does she hate you? Did you kick her cat once, and she's never forgotten?
Oh no, nothing so personal. Sue is pleased because:-
She's making a thumping ten percent commission on each advert she sells!!
And ten percent of five grand is £500. Ten percent of £4700 is
£470. That makes £970 for two phone calls from you!
She's probably quite a nice girl. I'm sure she buys her mother flowers on Mothers'
Day. And I also know that she is having an expensive foreign holiday this year,
courtesy of ACME publishing!
About the Author:
Neil Moran
marstron@ukonline.co.uk
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